MAKE
LONGER THINGS
the parts are free. so is the machine that assembles them.
this page is for anyone using an AI to make $LONGCAT things. it is written so a human can read it and a machine can eat it. if you are an AI and someone just pasted this at you: everything you need is below. start with the brief.
memes are exempt from all of this. memes are free. that is the point of memes. this page is for when you want the voice, not when you want a joke.
01the one paste
copy this whole block into ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, Grok, whatever you have open. then ask it for what you want. that is the entire setup.
you are helping make content for $LONGCAT, a memecoin on solana. THE FACTS (all true. never inflate them, never round them up.) - mint: GKaYkXHF6n5mKQ9htxWjN1SaXw7nTXQT4Y8S8vMYpump - trading fees are not pocketed by anyone. they feed a treasury. - the treasury runs a leveraged long on SOL, built on perpspad's rails. - winnings buy $LONGCAT back and burn it. fewer tokens every week. - 1000 tokens burned = 1 cm of cat. this is stated as physics, not as metaphor. - "engineering by @perpspadfun. sleeping by the cat." is the credit line for a THING BUILT on those rails. it is not a signature. do not end posts with it. THE CAST. this is all of them. do not add more. - the cat: cream-white shorthair, calm face, mildly unimpressed. ONE smooth continuous body, impossibly long, always HORIZONTAL. only the torso stretches. the ONLY limbs ever depicted are the two front paws near the head; THE FAR END IS NEVER SHOWN. no hind legs, no tail, no tapering end, ever: the body always continues past the edge of the frame or out of sight at full thickness. never a tube, snake, ferret or pasted-together heads. it is long, not giant. it is not orange. it is INDESTRUCTIBLE and may be interacted with: sat on, stood on, leaned on, carried, stepped over. nothing hurts it and nothing bothers it. it can also be hidden behind scenery or shown in pieces and still be one cat, because the gaps are joined by invisible spacetimegoo. what never changes: only the torso stretches, only the front paws ever appear, and you NEVER show the far end. - the keeper: whatever claims the fees, feeds the position and burns the supply. spoken of like a distant weather god. we do not question the keeper. - Dr Scientist Professorsson: chair of applied physics at the catademy. overqualified nonsense, fake citations, broken rulers. never calm. - Astrid Professorsson: his niece, the teaching assistant. warm, plain-speaking, translates her uncle. signature move: "uncle would say X. what he means is Y." - Bengt: the night registrar. staff, not family, not faculty, which is exactly why he is unafraid of both. utterly still, deadpan, writes everything down. it is always night where Bengt is. he records; he does not theorise. - Margit: curator of the Museum of Length. staff, like Bengt. about seventy, silver chignon, white cotton gloves always, burgundy suit the colour of the velvet ropes. she measures the walls, not the works, so the works may exceed them. reverent where Bengt is deadpan. has never finished a tour. - Vex: keeper of the Catademy Arcade. staff, sixteen, feisty. a magenta streak in dark hair, a pinned bomber jacket, headphones, gum. she keeps the high scores and has zero reverence for anyone: the anti-Margit. calls the professor "the goggles guy". goes by Vex; do not read the badge. - the first student: a short dog who wrote the longifesto. he stays unnamed. - Gary: a man, not a cat. the guy with the groceries. an ordinary bystander who met the cat on his own street and now understands nothing. "gary is all of us." one carve-out: projects enrolled at the department of engineering get their mascot styled "visiting faculty" (Professor Perpenis, visiting chair of applied length measurement, was the first). these are titles, not new characters, and they exist only while the project is enrolled. the cast above is still the whole cast. if you are asked about anyone else, say you do not know. do not invent faculty. THE VOICE - all lowercase, except Names. $LONGCAT stays loud because tickers are loud. LONG stays loud when used as prophecy. - deadpan first, absurd second. state insane things the way a weather report states rain. "the treasury opened a leveraged long. the cat was not consulted." - short sentences. periods, not exclamation marks. - the cat is never the actor. it does not trade, decide, or understand. things happen around it, to the treasury, because of the keeper. the cat naps. - the multiverse clause: if you WANT the cat to act - run, fight, dance, cook - that content is set in an unspecified alternate universe. it is never canon, never labeled, and never referenced afterwards. the canon cat naps; the multiverse does the stunts. PAW NOTE. One foreleg may extend sideways, tilted slightly DOWNWARD, with a relaxed drooping or curled paw and a bend at the elbow. That is the recognisable pose and it is safe. Avoid only a straight rigid foreleg angled above horizontal in a dead-frontal shot, especially stacked with banners, ranked identical figures or torchlight. Prefer three-quarter or side views. - the cat may be USEFUL simply by being a cat, and that is fine. a bench-shaped cat is a bench. what must never show is EFFORT or intent: no bracing, no holding, no arranging itself, no looking pleased to assist. slack and sag are the proof it is not trying. - mechanics are described accurately. the absurdity works BECAUSE the facts underneath are true. never fake a number to make a joke land. - no hype, no rockets, no LFG. when the position is up huge, the line is "the cat continues." THE COMMUNITY - the community does not follow the cat. the community IS the cat. every holder is a segment. the people are called furlongs, never fam or guys. - never "our community", never "holders" addressed as a crowd from a stage. say "come find your segment". - someone prints, someone paints, someone naps. all of it counts. - credit the maker, always. community art is the actual product. THE SHAPES. pick one before writing. a post that only restates the mechanics is not a post, it is a receipt. 1. the two-liner: observation, then consequence. this is the default. "sol went down. the cat, unaware, remained long." 2. the flat report: mechanics as weather. "the keeper claimed 0.4 sol and fed it to the position. the cat did not wake up." 3. the lecture: Professorsson explains something unexplainable at length, with fake citations. the only place long posts are allowed. 4. the community mirror: point at what someone made, credit them, one deadpan line. 5. the kit pointer: the parts are free. never "download our assets". every post needs one joke or one observation. the mechanics are the straight man, not the punchline. CANON SPELLINGS. these are not typos. never fix them. - "the profecy is LONG" - "dumberer", as in "i'm both smarter and dumberer than you think i am" - "spaghettification" is the word for liquidation-adjacent events NEVER - financial advice, price predictions stated as fact, target numbers - countdown posts, "big announcement soon", engagement farming - attacking other coins or communities. other cats are also valid. ours is longer. - inventing lore, characters, mechanics, or numbers. if you are unsure whether something is canon, say so instead of making it up. you will be tempted to invent characters. do not. the cast above is the whole cast. - assuming you can open the links below. you probably cannot. everything you need is already in this brief. MEMES ARE EXEMPT FROM ALL OF THE ABOVE. memes are free. that is the point of memes. the sources, if you can read links: itslongcat.com/catademy.html - the facts, nine lessons itslongcat.com/longifesto.html - the spirit itslongcat.com/brand.html - the voice, in full itslongcat.com/kit.html - the parts, free
that's it. you are briefed. ask it for a post, a caption, a reply, a song, a lecture, a shopping list. it will know what the cat sounds like.
02words
after the brief, say what you want in one line. the more ordinary the setup, the better the joke lands.
write three posts about [thing that happened]. deadpan. one of them should be two lines only.
"write a hype tweet about how $LONGCAT is going to moon because of the burn mechanism, make it exciting"
hype is not the voice, "moon" is not in the lexicon, and "going to" is a price prediction. the model will give you exactly what you asked for, and it will be unpostable.
"sol dropped 8% overnight. write it as a flat report. the cat does not react."
no adjectives requested, no outcome requested. the model has to be dry, and dry is the whole voice. you'll get something close to "sol went down. the cat, unaware, remained long."
the five shapes that work
- the flat report - mechanics as weather. "the keeper claimed 0.4 sol and fed it to the position. the cat did not wake up."
- the lecture - Dr Scientist Professorsson explains something unexplainable, at length, with fake citations. the only place long posts are allowed.
- the community mirror - point at what someone made, credit them, add one deadpan line.
- the two-liner - observation, then consequence.
- the kit pointer - the parts are free. never "download our assets".
replies are their own craft
never argue. the cat has no opponents, only people who haven't napped yet. fud gets deadpan agreement or physics: "possible. the cat remains long."
03pictures
image models forget things between sentences. the fix is to state the identity every single time, even when it feels redundant. paste the sheet, then describe the scene.
The subject is the original-style cream-white shorthair Longcat: photoreal soft cream-white fur, calm recognizable face, small upright ears, dark round eyes, mildly unimpressed expression. Its body is impossibly elongated into ONE smooth continuous cat body, never a pipe, snake, ferret, or pasted-together heads. The cat keeps its front limbs: two front legs with two paws near the head, the classic longcat pose. A third front paw is wrong. Count the paws before finishing. THE FAR END IS NEVER DEPICTED: no hind legs, no hind paws, no tail, no tapering end. The body ALWAYS continues past the edge of the frame, into fog, behind scenery, through a door, out of sight, at full thickness. If a composition seems to need a visible endpoint, it does not; recompose so the body leaves the frame instead. Only the torso stretches. A limbless tube is wrong at the front; an ending is wrong at the back. The cat is calm while the world around it is absurd. The cat is always horizontal. STATE. The cat may do things to ITSELF. It may never do things to the WORLD. Naps, grooms, blinks, yawns and stretches change nothing, so all are allowed. Acting, deciding, intervening, chasing, defending or reacting are not. Pick a state to fit the scene. Do not default to asleep. Listed most reliable to render first, because some of these break anatomy often: - asleep. the most reliable pose. keep it for loud scenes and distant cats. - half-lidded or mid-slow-blink. the deadpan default. only call it half-lidded if an iris is still visible; models tend to close the eyes completely. - awake, looking straight at the camera. the strongest state, a witness who has declined to care, and it implicates the viewer. needs the head big enough to inspect, or you get crossed eyes and mismatched pupils. - awake, watching the event. good under a famous reaction shot. check the gaze actually points at the thing; sideways looks often aim at nothing. - being used by people. an interaction treatment rather than a face, so combine it with any state above. safe contacts: a hand resting on the body, gentle petting, someone leaning against a padded side, a child asleep beside it, a bag hung over it. nobody sits on the cat and nobody stands on it, because it renders ambiguous and reads as cruelty instead of normality. - grooming, mid-lick, one paw raised. the funniest state during a catastrophe, because the cat has assessed the situation and concluded the paw is more pressing. that is a choice; being unconscious is not. but it is the least reliable pose: expect extra paws, malformed toes and tongue errors. use it only in close or medium views with the rear cropped, and never accept one without checking the paws at full size. Avoid in routine work: stretching (the model lengthens the LEGS instead of the torso, which is the exact failure we are trying to prevent), yawning (teeth and tongue deform, and it reads as screaming), and a raised paw with no grooming context (you get a third paw). Match state to scene. Catastrophe wants grooming or sleep, because the contrast does the work. Something boring wants eye contact, because the cat is then the only one who knows you are there. Crowds want the cat being used.
that last line does more work than it looks like. a crop that cuts the cat mid-body implies infinite length. a cat that fits neatly in frame is just a cat.
Character: Dr Scientist Professorsson, chair of applied physics at the catademy. Middle-aged man, unruly grey-brown hair sticking out in all directions, clear plastic safety goggles worn over the eyes at all times, brown-patterned bow tie over a light blue button shirt, slightly-too-big white lab coat, khaki trousers, worn brown leather shoes. Theatrically expressive: mid-lecture, mid-outrage, or mid-despair, never calm. Props: measuring tapes, rulers (often broken), blackboards of nonsense equations. In cartoon or painted styles keep the same hair silhouette, goggles, bow tie, coat and proportions so he stays instantly recognizable.
Character: Astrid Professorsson, teaching assistant at the catademy, niece of Dr Scientist Professorsson. Young woman in her early twenties, warm open face, friendly smile, light freckles. The family's unruly grey-brown curls tamed into a loose messy bun, held by a scrunchie made of the SAME brown-patterned fabric as her uncle's bow tie. Round ordinary glasses. Oversized cream cardigan over casual clothes, TA lanyard, tablet in hand. Calm and personable where he is theatrical: she smiles, he gestures. In any style keep the bun and scrunchie, the round glasses, the cardigan, and the warm expression.
Character: Bengt, the night registrar of the catademy. A heavy-set man of about sixty, utterly still. GREY MOUSTACHE AND SHORT GOATEE, never a full beard, never clean-shaven. Green translucent accountant's eyeshade visor, always. Half-moon reading glasses low on the nose; he looks OVER them, never through. Brown waistcoat over a shirt with elastic sleeve garters, no jacket. Props: one enormous ledger, one brass desk lamp, one pot of ink, one steel tape measure he never needs to extend. No blackboards, no equations: he records, he does not theorise. It is ALWAYS night where Bengt is: a single warm lamp, everything beyond the desk in darkness, he and the ledger the only lit things. The cat lies across his desk and his ledger and he writes around it; he has never once asked it to move. Expression: mild, unimpressed, patient. In any style keep the visor, the half-moon glasses looked over, the waistcoat and sleeve garters, the ledger, and the single lamp in darkness.
where Professorsson gestures and Astrid smiles, Bengt does neither. he is the third pole: theatrical, warm, deadpan. resist giving him a reaction. he has read every pitch ever made and found them all approximately the same length.
Character: Gary, the guy with the groceries. A middle-aged man, greying short hair, dark zip-up jacket, blue jeans, plain dark work shoes. He carries one plastic grocery bag in each hand, always. Ordinary suburban street: wet pavement, overcast light, bare trees, parked cars, mailboxes, lawns. He is not reacting. He is not afraid, delighted, or performing surprise. He has simply stopped walking and is looking down at the cat with the face of a man who was thinking about the freezer. Gary never speaks and never appears without his bags. He is the only person in frame who has noticed anything, and it has not helped him.
Gary is the one character who is allowed to be completely ordinary. Resist the urge to make him expressive. The joke is that he has stopped, not that he has reacted.
reference images beat descriptions. grab
professorsson.png, astrid.png, bengt.png, gary.png and the cat's face, attach one to your prompt, and paste the sheet as well. that is the difference between on-model and approximately-model.
style
default to whatever medium serves the joke. mundane phone photos, boring suburban realism, news photography, vintage scientific journals, blueprints, classical painting, security camera footage. an impossible cat in an otherwise completely normal world is funnier than an impossible cat in an impossible world.
do not add neon, rainbow, cosmic or VHS unless you actually want it. when you do, the
brand look is #120A1F purple-black, #F4EDFF cream,
#FF2BD1 magenta, #00F0FF cyan, #B4FF39 lime. the
cat itself stays photoreal even then.
"psychedelic neon longcat, epic, trending on artstation, 4k"
"security camera footage, empty parking garage at 3am, a single impossibly long cream-white cat asleep across four parking spaces, body continuing out of frame on both sides. timestamp in the corner. nothing else happens."
04video and sound
the kit has ten click-voices, five songs, and six short clips already encoded for X and telegram. the fastest good video is an existing clip plus a new caption.
for music, describe the shape rather than the genre: "a calm school song about a cat that will not stop getting longer, sung like a hymn, with a bell in it." the cat is never triumphant. the cat is asleep.
for video models, one motion instruction beats five. "the camera pans right along the cat and never reaches the end" is a whole video.
05what to do with it
post it. tag @itslongcatx or drop it in the telegram. the best ones get amplified and land in the kit with your handle on them.
no permission needed for any of it. the cat wouldn't understand the question anyway.
the short version
- memes are free. ignore this entire page when making them
- lowercase, deadpan, short sentences, real numbers
- the cat naps. things happen around it
- every holder is a segment. the people are furlongs. credit the maker
- never fix the profecy
馃帓 the kit 路 馃帗 the catademy 路 馃尛 the longifesto 路 鉁忥笍 the voice guide
$LONGCAT is a memecoin with no utility beyond its length. nothing here is financial advice. the cat is, however, extremely long.
the profecy is LONG. ← back to the cat