The Catademy

hi, i'm Astrid, the teaching assistant. my uncle runs the lectures here; i run orientation, because one of us has to talk to humans.

here's the whole thing in plain words: $LONGCAT is a memecoin on solana. we are on perpspad, and the community is making a world of its own. creator fees have several jobs, including the treasury and project development. when tokens are burned, we represent that as the cat getting longer. burns are something to verify, not a weekly promise.

you don't need to understand more than that today. the cat understands nothing and it's doing great.

CA: GKaYkXHF6n5mKQ9htxWjN1SaXw7nTXQT4Y8S8vMYpump

if you turn up after dark you'll get Bengt instead. he's the night registrar, he writes everything down, and he'll look at you over his glasses until you've finished talking. don't take it personally, he does it to my uncle too.

come in. i'll show you around.

uncle would open with his credentials. i'll just tell you how it works:

1. eligible trading activity generates creator fees. LONGCAT’s perpspad page currently lists 50% perp margin, 15% buyback and burn, 15% creator, 20% protocol.
2. the creator share goes to the dev wallet. it can help pay for hosting, bots, art and the cattacular things we are building. that share is not automatically burned.
3. the treasury takes leveraged exposure to SOL. that magnifies moves in both directions. fees, funding and changes in the position affect its balance; liquidation can lose the collateral.
4. an allocation is a plan for fees. a burn is a completed transaction. check the current supply and the actual receipts before treating the plan as a result.

Allocation displayed on LONGCAT’s perpspad page, checked 12 September 2026. This describes the published split, not a receipt for every transfer.

check the source and its on-chain receipts. a website percentage does not prove that every transfer has happened. uncle insists on reading the small print too.

⚙️ built on rails by perpspad.fun. engineering by @perpspadfun. sleeping by the cat.

we keep a communal cat. it grows longer in two ways.

by real burns: every 1,000 tokens destroyed adds one centimeter of cat. uncle measured it. don't argue with him, i've tried.

and by you: type /stretch in the group chat once per hour and pull. there's a 2% chance of a PROPHECY PULL (extremely long) and a small chance of mild public embarrassment. builds character, allegedly.

/longest shows the top pullers. every 100 meters there's a little ceremony. the cat doesn't know about any of it, which is honestly the healthiest relationship on campus.

the group chat has a bot wired into the treasury. it reports the events it can verify, including fees, burns and position changes. you can also ask it things:

/position - available position readings, sources and labelled risk estimates
/whatif 150 - what any SOL price would mean
/wallets - the published token and treasury addresses, so you can check them

and the question everyone whispers to me at orientation: what if a sharp SOL drop liquidates the position? that position can lose its collateral. future fees, rebuilding and burns depend on the system and the activity that actually follows. none of them is a guarantee that the loss will be recovered.

uncle's phrasing, which i can't beat: the cat does not die. the cat molts. a metaphor, not a promise.

the bot you met in the last lesson is not really a bot. it is a department.

it reads the keeper's own feed and the venue's own book, works out what the position is doing, and says it in a sentence with the arithmetic attached. when a source is unavailable, a reading may be omitted or marked unavailable. uncle is very firm about this: a wrong number is worse than no number.

and here is the part i like. the machinery was also tried with $PERPENIS, a perpspad project outside LONGCAT. that is part of the workshop history, not a current service-status report. that it can travel is the point.

we call those enrolled. alumni is for projects that keep a position, keep their burns and keep their people through a full cycle. nobody has one yet.

enrolled projects also receive one courtesy appointment: their mascot is styled visiting faculty for the duration of enrollment. Professor Perpenis, visiting chair of applied length measurement, was the first, and has already guest-lectured in his own classroom with a whiteboard of figures nobody asked him to verify. the title carries no salary, no office and no authority, which makes it identical to most visiting professorships.

and one more title, since people keep earning it without knowing: anyone who teaches another person how to read the position, check a burn, or ask the bot a question is thereby an adjunct of the catademy. adjuncts are unpaid and the title is unrevokable. teaching one person counts. the cat has taught nobody anything and holds the highest chair we have, so the bar is honest.

🔗 itslongcat.com/engineering.html

everything ever made for the cat is free to take: the canon images, the memes, the videos, the songs, voice clips, the sticker pack.

🔗 itslongcat.com/kit.html

take anything. remix anything. post anything. other schools call that plagiarism. we call it homework, and every piece you make becomes part of the cat.

i grade generously.

the songs and films now have one home: the Memeum’s Listening room. pick a tape, play it, or take a copy. headphones are encouraged. silence is not enforced.

in the group chat, /boombox plays the songs and /vcr opens the films. older explanation films remain in the archive; this written lesson is the place for current mechanics.

the website itslongcat.com also meows when you click it. the faculty vote was unanimous.

🌐 site: itslongcat.com
🎧 songs and films: the Listening room
🎒 the kit: itslongcat.com/kit.html
🤖 making things with an AI: itslongcat.com/make.html
🌭 the longifesto: itslongcat.com/longifesto.html
📚 the library: itslongcat.com/library.html
⚙️ the department of engineering: itslongcat.com/engineering.html
🐦 X: x.com/itslongcatx
🏘 X community: x.com/i/communities/…
💬 telegram: t.me/LONGCATPERP
📊 chart: dexscreener
⚙️ the rails: perpspad.fun. the founders' plaque reads "engineering by @perpspadfun. sleeping by the cat."

that's orientation. you now know more about the cat than the cat does. keep it that way, it's doing so well.

my office hours are whenever the group chat is awake. 🎓📏

people keep asking me the same four questions about the position card, so here they are, in order, in plain words. uncle would answer with a lecture. i will not.

1. a profit-taking event is not a lifetime return.
a close or a buyback records an event. it does not establish that the treasury is profitable overall. check what the reported field actually measures.

2. realized PnL and funds released answer different questions.
realized PnL records gains and losses under the source’s accounting. cash released by a close can include collateral being returned. do not label the whole transfer as profit.

3. readings need a time and a source.
fees, closes and price moves can change the size. two readings can also disagree because one is stale. compare like with like before explaining a discrepancy.

4. a big position is not a big pile of money.
notional describes market exposure. collateral backs the position. a change in notional is not automatically cash available to withdraw or burn.

uncle would say the notional and the margin are distinct quantities. what he means is: the big number is how hard we are pushing, the small number is what we are pushing with.

two rulers, one cat. entry-price and current-price valuations measure different things. funding, fees, timing and the source’s definitions matter too. do not promise that every difference equals profit to the cent.

what to check: the transaction, the current token supply and the source behind the position card. the Long Engine is still in development. future plans and workshop ideas are not completed burns.

the cat has not been told any of this. the cat is asleep on my desk. honestly, good for the cat.