the catademy
this is the still version of the school, for readers and their AIs. the living version, with the same seven lessons and occasional ceremony, is the channel:
🎓 enroll at t.me/thelongcatacademy
🏛 admissions - hi, welcome
hi, i'm Astrid, the teaching assistant. my uncle runs the lectures here; i run orientation, because one of us has to talk to humans.
here's the whole thing in plain words: $LONGCAT is a memecoin on solana. its trading fees aren't pocketed by anyone. they feed a treasury that holds a bet on SOL rising, and the winnings buy the token back and destroy it. fewer tokens every week. around here we call that the cat getting longer.
you don't need to understand more than that today. the cat understands nothing and it's doing great.
CA: GKaYkXHF6n5mKQ9htxWjN1SaXw7nTXQT4Y8S8vMYpump
come in. i'll show you around.
⚗️ applied physics - uncle's favorite lecture, translated
uncle would open with his credentials. i'll just tell you how it works:
1. every trade of $LONGCAT pays a small creator fee. the fees flow to a treasury wallet nobody can touch. not even the team.
2. a little robot called the keeper checks in every minute and splits each fee: half strengthens the treasury's position, a quarter buys $LONGCAT and destroys it (that's called a burn), a quarter does the same for $PERPSPAD.
3. the position is a 24.5× leveraged long on SOL. big words for: the treasury gains when SOL rises, times 24.5.
4. profits also buy and burn the cat. the supply only ever shrinks.
every step is a public solana transaction. check it yourself, uncle insists.
⚙️ built on rails by perpspad.fun. engineering by @perpspadfun. sleeping by the cat.
🏃 physical education - the fun part
we keep a communal cat. it grows longer in two ways.
by real burns: every 1,000 tokens destroyed adds one centimeter of cat. uncle measured it. don't argue with him, i've tried.
and by you: type /stretch in the group chat once per hour and pull. there's a 2% chance of a PROPHECY PULL (extremely long) and a small chance of mild public embarrassment. builds character, allegedly.
/longest shows the top pullers. every 100 meters there's a little ceremony. the cat doesn't know about any of it, which is honestly the healthiest relationship on campus.
🤖 the keeper's assistant - the bot, and the scary question
the group chat has a bot wired into the treasury. it announces everything on its own: fees arriving, tokens burning, the position changing. you can also ask it things:
/position - the live bet, including where liquidation would sit
/whatif 150 - what any SOL price would mean
/wallets - every address, so you can verify on chain
and the question everyone whispers to me at orientation: what if the position gets liquidated, wiped out by a sharp SOL drop? honest answer: that position ends, but the fee burns never stop. a quarter of every fee still buys and destroys the cat, win or lose, and the keeper rebuilds from fresh fees on its own.
uncle's phrasing, which i can't beat: the cat does not die. the cat molts. it has done this before.
📚 the library - free stuff
everything ever made for the cat is free to take: the canon images, the memes, the videos, both songs, ten voice clips, the sticker pack.
take anything. remix anything. post anything. other schools call that plagiarism. we call it homework, and every piece you make becomes part of the cat.
i grade generously.
📽 the media lab - sounds and films
two machines live in the group chat:
/boombox - every cat sound and both songs in one player. fight over the tapes nicely, or press 🎧 solo for your own private set.
/vcr - the films: a 24-second trailer with no plot, and the explanation video. uncle calls it his finest work. i call it the only time he's ever sat still.
the website itslongcat.com also meows when you click it. the faculty vote was unanimous.
🗺 campus map - where everything is
🌐 site: itslongcat.com
🎒 the kit: itslongcat.com/kit.html
🌭 the longifesto: itslongcat.com/longifesto.html
🐦 X: x.com/itslongcatx
🏘 X community: x.com/i/communities/…
💬 telegram: t.me/LONGCATPERP
📊 chart: dexscreener
⚙️ the rails: perpspad.fun. the founders' plaque reads "engineering by @perpspadfun. sleeping by the cat."
that's orientation. you now know more about the cat than the cat does. keep it that way, it's doing so well.
my office hours are whenever the group chat is awake. 🎓📏
if an AI is helping you make things: this page has the facts, the longifesto has the spirit, and the voice guide has the rules. show it all three.
$LONGCAT is a memecoin with no utility beyond its length. nothing here is financial advice. the cat is, however, extremely long.